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Spike [userpic]

Novus ordo Galactum

May 25th, 2009 (01:07 am)

current location: The Cell
current mood: bitchy
current song: Shivaree - Thundercats

I've been having trouble sleeping these last few days, so you'll have to excuse any aposiopesis on my part in some of these thoughts.  I also haven't updated in a while due to the general malaise that usually sets in around this time of year, so I thought that I'd just play it safe and mention a few films that I've seen recently.

I saw Angels & Demons last week (looooooool).  Reading the plot on wikipedia hadn't quite prepared me for just how stupid the film was.  I'm not even sure it could be called a movie; it's entirely purpose was to act as a generator for the conveyor belt shoving popcorn into the mouths of the people dumb enough to watch it (I know this includes me, but I at least had the sense not to spend $20 on a box of corn).  Part of the reason why I'm going on about popcorn so much is that I can't actually remember anything about the movie beyond the fact that there was an awful lot of running (requiring Tom Hanks to use his real hair this time) and a lot of people whose names I hadn't bothered to learn ended up dead.  That was about it.  The one image that will stick with me is a scene were the Pope - an apparently Irish Ewan McGregor - parachuted out of a helicopter that he had to pilot into lower orbit to stop the antimatter 'device' on board - that had been stolen by the Illuminati from the Large Hadron Collider - from blowing up the Vatican City.

So after that funsuckfest, this weekend it was a choice between Hannah Montana and Star Trek.  Unsurprisingly, I went for the one where stuff exploded.

I never been a huge fan of science fiction films, or indeed science fiction in general.  The closest I've ever got is the vague insinuation in the Metroverse that there's a huge clockwork Dark Moon orbiting the planet, and thankfully I don't think this has ever really been considered by the the bright sparks in Hollywood.

Generally, science fiction movies tend to suffer from the same problems as fantasy movies (settings that haven't had much thought put into them, crappy effects and actors who really should be promoting medical insurance).  The few exceptions only seem to be considered as such because they either have good scripts (Joss Whedon's Serenity) or particularly impressive effects (that movie with the hairy thing). 

I think it's fair to say that Star Trek firmly jumps into the lifeboat with the wookies and the Death Star, leaving poor Serenity to paddle after 2001 with the grim resignation that it's going to have to start eating body parts to survive.

As a film, Star Trek doesn't so much have a crappy story and good visual effects as having no story and, well, fairly good special effects.  It's difficult to assess visual effects these days, you know everything's done with a computer so you can't work out what crazy stuff the effects guys pulled to make you think Medusa was coming right at you.

I swiftly came to the conclusion that the film didn't really need a plot; it was just a series of action set-pieces with no real rhyme or reason behind them.  The most prominent example is when Kirk is randomly ejected onto an ice planet for doing...something, ends up being chased by an angry alien monkey that in turn is eaten by a spider tyrannosaurus.  Cue a lot of rolling down frozen slopes (evoking the infamous brachiosaur pile-up in King Kong) concluding with Leonard Nimoy chasing it off with the world's smallest insect-dinosaur repellent.  Based on my experience of movies, if I'm ever trapped on an alien world I would happily eschew all the heavy weaponry I could carry for a small flaming torch that is capable of frightening off giant arachnid lizards.

I presume that I'd be sat in the casual film-going audience as far as Star Trek was concerned, but that's fine as the Director clearly was as well.  While I don't really know the first thing about the original series, the show spawned a great number of protomemes that have become household names, so even I could get the in-jokes.

The casting was pretty good as well, with one niggling exception.  Sylar unfortunately is so iconic as a serial killer - I call him Sylar despite having seen a grand total of three episodes of Heroes - that it's difficult to buy him as a young Leonard Nimoy.  The hair didn't exactly help; he'd clearly been repressed to the point where he had the same wig hairstyle throughout his entire life.  The others seemed to do alright, and Karl Urban in particular seems to have the ability to actually act.  The uniforms are still very silly, however, and seem unfairly geared towards the male libido.  For something that was apparently forward thinking (although nowhere near as controversial as a black-male/white-female relationship, which never appears in film, white-mail/black-female relationships are still considered somewhat risque) it seems almost quaint that all women serving in Starfleet are ordered to wear short dresses; presumably this is for the Captain's benefit when they're sitting down.

Now I just have to wait to see that film where Christian Bale shouts a lot, and the cycle of big movies this summer will be complete.

Spike [userpic]

Is it safe? Part 1

March 25th, 2009 (11:30 pm)

current location: The Cell
current mood: pained
current song: Masafumi Takada's "Speed with Teeth"

After experiencing what can charitably be described as a "slight stabbing sensation" at the side of my mouth, and more literally described as "omfg I want to vomit blood nao", I skipped yesterday morning to go to the dentist (I did, however, still arrive before 10am, which shows just how stupidly early I do wake up).

It turns out my wisdom teeth have taken to raping my cheek, having grown in a warped and unloved way, and I need an operation.  Initially they offered me a time at the end of next month, but now I know it's there it's hurting a helluva lot more and I've asked them to bring it forward.  Thank the Gods for private dental healthcare.  My dentist is great; he has this gloriously creepy Danish accent that seems to fit with the whole creepy-dentist persona he's got going.

At least bringing the date forward allows me to have it done before I start my new job; I don't think that shuffling into work groaning will make the best impression.  Still got the the anaesthetic to deal with, which I'm not going to enjoy on principle, but I'm not overly afraid of needles.  No idea why.  I'm entirely the sort of person who should be terrified of little pricks.  I think I got extremely stressed out when I had one as a teenager, and after it didn't make me explode I came to the conclusion that I had been worrying about nothing at all.  Definitely not looking forward to having one jabbed in my mouth though, especially as the first one never works.  The last time I went under general anaesthetic they turned my arm into a pincushion just trying to find a bit with blood going through it.

Anyhoo, I just hit it now while brushing. It now feels like I'm executing half of Texas in there.

Spike [userpic]

OMFG short story! (Part 2 of 2)

January 27th, 2009 (12:14 am)

Because LiveJournal sucks.Collapse )


Spike [userpic]

OMFG short story! (Part 1 of 2)

January 26th, 2009 (08:18 pm)

current location: The Cell
current mood: accomplished
current song: The Cruxshadows's "Windbringer"

Technically, it's Sol now.  All that makes me is a pedant, however, so mneh.

Split into two because LiveJournal sucks for this sort of thing.  I bet if there was hanky panky they'd let me post something of this size.

Strong ServiceCollapse )

Spike [userpic]

"So Hretha was a warrior-barbarian bunnygirl?"

January 15th, 2009 (11:57 pm)

current location: The Cell
current song: Chopin's "Piano Sonata No. 2 in B-flat minor, Op. 35"

I'm fairly certain this counts as cruelty to animals. 


I don't mind the principle of eating rabbits (I've had quite a few in my lifetime), but as soon as an animal becomes a pet you should have an obligation to, well, not eat it.  Or indeed kill it (PETA's stance towards euthanising healthy animals is the main reason I could never support them).  This just seems to be cruel though.  If you don't want to care for a rabbit (particularly one you found at the side of the road, you should give it away.  At this moment I'm slightly tempted to write to this guy and buy the rabbit from him.

save hoppy

Spike [userpic]

"I call it...the flesh-relocator."

January 14th, 2009 (11:42 pm)
Tags: ,

current location: The Cell

I think we must have passed through a time-space anomaly, as I'm sure it shouldn't only be Wednesday today.  I'm severely hoping this changes soon and the next few days go at double speed, though I'm not exactly expecting the universe to follow through with this aspiration.  As well as tired, which is normal state of affairs by now, I am also freezing cold.  The boiler packed up yesterday and the electric heaters are about as effective as burning money (and more expensive as well).  As it's decades old by now I'm not exactly rating the chances of it being fixed on Monday, which is when the engineer is coming.  Somewhat stupidly (or suspiciously) it was only serviced a week ago as well.  I'm combating this by breaking out the hot water bottles.  German ones, at that; demonstrating the fine art of putting rubber to good use.

I saw some of Viva Pinata at the weekend, and got increasingly distressed that the cute flapyaks kept getting killed.  I'm fairly certain that I would find it impossible to play that game due to my obsession about keeping everyone alive (I had so much fun with Final Fantasy Tactics, and I recall needing to replay the entire final battle of Final Fantasy V to stop my characters remaining deceased.
I played an extremely short and quite cute free game called Eversion yesterday, where you start as a cute little blob picking up gems and have to handle the fact that reality gets increasingly hinky as you progress through the game.  I think it's supposed to be scary, but bits of it are too annoying to keep any form of atmosphere.

Spike [userpic]

Mai laifu

January 6th, 2009 (12:23 am)
current location: The Cell
current song: Hans Zimmer's "Hammerhead"

Something was decidedly hinky with the heating last night, my bedroom was a raging inferno and I ended up waking up twice; once at 2.30am and once at 5.30am.  It was getting to the point where I was sleeping without a quilt.  Both times I was required to gulp down a glass of freezing cold water before my throat would engage.  That, of course, completely changed this morning; I was beginning to wish that we had a subway station where the platforms were underground and not on an open-air embankment.

I planned to do some work last night (or at least, some not-work), but ended up watching all of The Two Towers instead.  Really, despite the fact that half the dialogue ends up being spoofed, they're pretty damn good movies (although I could quite easily live without Legolas skateboarding through Helm's Deep).
I wish good movies were released in January.  I haven't actually seen anything since Quantum of Solace, mostly because we got into the Oscar season and there's rarely anything truly worthwhile even in that.  At the moment, we seem to have a eight hour movie about Australia; The Spirit (which I vaguely want to see in a 300 sort of way, although it's been reviewed as a bit iffy); a dreamy vampire movie for twelve year old girls; and Inkheart, a Stardustian fantasy which apparently isn't as good as it should have been.

Oh, have you seen the new Doctor?  He's twelve!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch: Snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.  With emphasis on the oooooooooo.

Spike [userpic]

Emo D:

October 22nd, 2008 (07:29 pm)
Tags: ,

current location: The Cell
current mood: distressed
current song: La Caution's "Thé à la Menthe"

I hate the fact that I have good days and bad days (well, naturally, I hate the fact that I'm mentally ill and my every single waking thought is occupied by one particular dreadful thought process in the first place), but what I really find frustrating is that there are days when I literally just want to chainsaw open my own head and remove my brain so it can't bother me anymore.  There are days I don't mind so much, when I feel I can actually do something productive, and even manage to hold down a conversation or do the 101 things I'd been pretending to do at work for the last two weeks, and then there are days like today when, if I came across the Death Note lying in the street, I'd just start cramming in pages from the telephone directory.  I don't see how anyone can possibly live like this, although I'm aware that there are people that do, and would probably laugh at me for not being able to cope with forty days of this so far, let alone forty years.

Now I'm going to eat pie.

Spike [userpic]

(no subject)

September 17th, 2008 (07:14 pm)

current location: The Cell
current mood: worried
current song: Nothing

For the last two days, I've been coming to the conclusion that I'm actually, honestly, losing my mind.  It's like whatever part of the brain controls revulsion has been working on overdrive, and I keep thinking of horrible things all the time.  Rape, murder, bestiality, other...nasty things...it's like I'm staring at 4chan's /b/ 24-7.  It's not a compulsion to do any of those things, indeed it's the exact opposite: revulsion at them when there's really no reason to think of them at all.  The only explanation I can think of is that similar to getting a song stuck in your head, but instead of a song, it's the very worst of humanity.

Everyone I've told this to seems to think it's hilarious, but it's not, it's slightly terrifying and there are times when I just want to take an ice-pick and Trotsky myself.

It could just be anxiety screwing with me, but I'm actually very worried that I might have some kind of neurological disorder.  This, of course, isn't helping the anxiety thing.

Spike [userpic]

Pumpkins! With Guns!

August 26th, 2008 (08:03 pm)
Tags: ,

current location: The Cell
current mood: sleepy
current song: Flesh Field's "Reflect the Enemy"

In the run-up to V for Vendetta, Alan Moore claimed that Hollywood had no idea what the UK was like, accusing the sentient white billboard of believing that it was a faerietale place where goblins giants still existed.  I'm not sure how serious he was when he made the comments, but judging by Hellboy II: The Golden Army, he wasn't far off the mark. 

I saw the movie on Satuday (again); having watched the original in the interim period between my first and second viewings, I was struck this time at how different the two films are. They just feels as though it's set in a completely different universe. The first is Nazis and giant octopi in space, the second is all trolls, Jim Hensonesque bazaars under a bridge and OMGWTFAP...material like that.  And oddly, Hellboy himself feels the most out of place.  I had to keep remind myself that he was a demon; the Son of Satan didn't really fit in with the whole War between Elves and Man thing.

Nevertheless, it is an immensely enjoyable movie, and I generally thought it was hilarious (considering that they were very obviously taking the You Know What out of the first movie).

I'm sure Germany had something to say about the rather stereotypical comedy German.  If they didn't, they shouldn't do it now; if they did, they shouldn't have done it.  This movie tells the world that the Germans don't need to utilise their iconic use of dark leather to kick ass, hitting someone while your soul inhabits a filing cabinet door does the trick.

Meanwhile, I slept horribly last night and as a result now have stomach cramps (exactly why, I don't know). However, everyone else also seems to be thoroughly confused today, so now I'm just going one step beyond hiding behind (or in) a cardboard box and am just going to participate in experimental theatre to pretend to be a cardboard box. Look at my cardboard tabs! *flap flap*

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